I have thought about writing a blog all day. Then I decided not to, then I wanted to, changed my mind.. But here we are and I'm writing.
So what's with Mothers day anyway? For many mothers day is a day that reminds them of sadness. Many trying to conceive, those that have lost their mothers, some that never had a mother to celebrate, mothers that are near and far and can't be with their kids, mothers that kids have forgotten to call or visit today and those like me that have lost a child.
Then I got thinking (This is why I was debating writing this, I was going back and forth). Maybe it's a good thing to have a day to grieve and to remember. Maybe it's good to have a day to remind us of the small important things in life. To feel feelings that we put aside somewhere most days.
And my mind flipped again. Is it really necessary? I really have no idea in the end what I think about today.
For me, its a very bitter sweet. In 2014 May the 11th was Mothers day and I went in hospital 39 weeks pregnant to be told that my baby's heart stopped. Life can be so freaken nasty. Today takes me right into that moment on that day as if I am reliving it.
I found my self anxious, grieving and yet bravely showing up today. I am so thankful and feel so bless to have an amazing daughter here with me today that heals me in every way. A mother that has been there to hold my hand and let me feel like it's going to be ok, even when it isn't ok. I love you mum! A mother in law that that is selfless and treats me as her very own born daughter. As a grown woman I even get to celebrate my own grandmother. So I am very thankful but it brings up so many raw painful memories for me. I found myself sitting right back in my grief back to day one!
So what is Mother's day anyway? For many it is mixed emotions and feelings. No matter what your feelings are about today. Be kind to yourself.
Thanks for listening
To my babies I hope I make you proud. My love for you is endless xox
and my hubby for being so brave! Anastasia Adam xo